


Here's to being human

by knightinpinkunderwear



Series: ~a heart so cold it burns~ [2]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Angst, Death, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, past truama, shouting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-05 17:22:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15175643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightinpinkunderwear/pseuds/knightinpinkunderwear
Summary: Edward is officially questioned by the GCPD on Oswald's disappearance, he continues to grieve and wallow in guilt.This is a sequel. Ed is also part machine.





	Here's to being human

 

 

Edward knew he wasn't handling it well. He performed all mayoral duties to the best of his abilities. He spent every minute of each day keeping himself awake to keep working. The work would distract from the pain. Maybe ease it a little. At the very least it made the "ghost" of Oswald quiet. And then Edward could try to pretend that none of it was his fault. Even if it never worked nor helped. 

He still worked in his office, the one that should be for the chief of staff (which was now Peggy, with Tarquin also 'missing'). He wouldn't let himself into that office and he didn't let anyone else in there either. 

They'd gotten the message after he broke down the first time, screaming and crying, incoherent and inconsolable. 

He cried more often than he ate. It was terribly unhealthy. Terribly fitting, so that he could live; he killed Oswald. Now he and Oswald rot away together but separate. Often Edward found himself unable to do the simple paperwork in front of him because it depicts a policy that Oswald was particularly passionate about. In these moments he sits with his head in his hands and cries like he hasn't since he was a boy. Since he was a child sold by his parents into black market science, where the people cared less about him than the actual lab rats.

Where the 'scientists' took him apart and put him back together ignoring how he cried and sobbed. Where they put a chip into his brain with an external switch to control whether or not he could use his amygdala to release the chemicals that allowed him to emote. All because they thought his crying was irritating and got in the way of further testing and modification.

He couldn't cry then. But, oh, did he cry now. He sobbed and sobbed until his eyes burned from dryness and his throat ached in soreness. 

Peggy was a blessing. Whenever he had trouble she diverted the schedule to accommodate for it. She had meals brought to him when he couldn't will himself to stand. And she grieved with him. 

Edward found himself hoping against all odds that every knock on his door was Oswald. In few precious fractions of a second, he truly believed it was Oswald. That it all has been a horrible glitch of a night terror. Then the door opens, or the person speaks. And the despair drags him back down and steals the breath from him again. 

This time is no different. Hope, much more soul-crushing than despair on its own. Then, of course, the dashing of that hope and the metaphorical bucket of ice-cold water drenching him back into the wretched reality that was. Captain Harvey Bullock and Detective James Gordon open the door. The two men come in. Ed can't even will himself to care about what is happening. 

"Do you have any leads?" He doesn't have to specify the subject, it's obvious. He doesn't even mind how faint his voice sounds. 

"We know you did it!"

"Me?! Oswald has a history of gang affiliation and was the _kingpin_ of Gotham's underworld! He could be dead and you suspect me!" He flew to his feet, using the desk to support his weight, his eyes burned and his throat greatly protested its misuse. His voice broke on dead. He couldn't stop it. The fact that Oswald actually was dead and that he really was to blame did not help at all. 

"You're taking this pretty hard," Jim was clearly feeling alright, stating the obvious like it was something that needed to be said.

"Oswald is the best friend I've ever had, and he's been gone for weeks."

"It's more than that,"

"A month ago my girlfriend was hit by a train, killed on impact. Now the only person I had left is missing in action and his past gang rivals seem to be thriving, and I don't get to take a breather! I have to stay here and budget the school board and run this city! So why don't you just LEAVE! I have enough to deal with," He didn't bother to watch them go. What matters is that they left. And Edward was alone again. 

He almost turned his heart off. But no, he hadn't been through enough, he made the decision to kill the person who understood him best, the one he cared so much about that it scared him. And he would pay for it. The pain was a reminder. 

You're _only_ human. You're only _human_. You _are_ human.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So now you know why Ed's a cyborg/android thingy.


End file.
